How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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