i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
