I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize