im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she woke up with a sticky ear
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
