how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
