Jerry, you need to find god
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
