Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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