I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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