I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
