you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
