Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
