He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
