dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
