Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
