And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize