Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
