Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
