At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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