May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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