This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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