Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
