i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
