I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
