He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
