??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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