So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My ass is underappreciated
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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