i don't plan on having that self control this summer
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Vodka?
Forever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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