I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
