I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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