He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
