Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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