Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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