I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just tell him i said nine months
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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