i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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