I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
