if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
