dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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