exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
