One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
