Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize