I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
