kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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