you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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