Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
