I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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