I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I need a burrito and a hug.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
