listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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