My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
