U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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