just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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