fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
