I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to sanitize my soul.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize