I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
