my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
