Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Quick, to the slutcave!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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