she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
