No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
