i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
