mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
