I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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