I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
