Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
