I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize