Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
